Your Childcare Provider is not out to rip you off.

So, the incident I’m about to recount happened last week. I’ve attempted to just forget about it… to pass it off as simple ignorance… however… I keep thinking about it, and it’s got my panties in a bunch. Here is what happened: I was in the waiting room at my kids’ dentist, where another mom was making small talk with me. She seemed quite intrigued to find that I was a childcare provider. She began to ask me quite a few questions about it, so I thought perhaps she was in the market for a provider, or else was possibly considering the profession herself. She asked me how much I charge, and how many kids I have in my care. When I told her, she said, “WOW! You must make SO MUCH MONEY!!”  Um… OK… aside from just being plain old tacky and rude to say such a thing, the very idea that any childcare provider makes “SO MUCH MONEY!!!” is utterly absurd. I was so taken aback by her comment, that I could do little but just say something about how my rates were fairly standard, and uh… well, there are a lot of expenses involved.

We all know that childcare is very costly for parents. But it’s expensive for a reason, and that reason is not that your childcare provider wants a new Benz. It’s expensive because your childcare provider spends a good portion of your tuition on things like increased homeowners/liability insurance, cleaning supplies to keep the childcare environment sanitary, nutritious food to feed growing bodies and art supplies for all those cute little projects your little one brings home. She must periodically purchase new toys and equipment such as cribs, bouncy seats, strollers, etc.  She must purchase office supplies for the business end of things. EEC regulations require that licensed providers continually take classes in education, nutrition, safety and child development, and those cost money, too. If she employs an assistant, she must pay that assistant’s salary, as well as all related payroll taxes, unemployment, social security, etc.  And so on, and so on.

Childcare providers typically have their first child arriving around 7am. Their last child leaves probably somewhere between 5:30 and 6, so it would seem that most childcare providers work about 11 hours a day. But there is more… Keep in mind that in addition to all the hours your provider spends taking care of your child’s basic needs, she also spends a good chunk of time setting up special projects and lessons which are developmentally appropriate for all the children in her care. She also must spend time writing up lesson plans, progress reports, keeping safety logs and taking care of other necessary paperwork. And then there are those classes we talked about… those take time, too. Most childcare providers end up doing a lot of this stuff in the evening and on weekends. And of course, she probably has her own family to take care of, as well.

So, to sum up… your childcare provider probably works close to 70 hours a week, and probably makes less than the average Administrative Assistant. So why, you may ask, would anyone want to have this job? Well, aside from the fact that many of us are parents ourselves, and enjoy working from home to be close to our own families, we are in this profession because we love children, and are interested in children’s development and well-being. We know that we are playing an important role in the lives of working families, and we take pride in that role. We choose this job because we want to make a difference, not because we want to make a million.

Giving Thanks

It’s that time of year again… time to think about the many Blessings in our lives. I’ve mentioned this before… but Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday. While it’s important to be Thankful every day, I love having a special day set aside to count my blessings and share a meal with loved ones. This year, as always, I have many things for which I am Thankful…


I am thankful for My Love, and for the life we are building together… I’m grateful every day that the Universe saw fit to send him my way.

I am thankful for our big, beautiful, blended family. We are so blessed that together we have 5 gorgeous children.

I am thankful to have an ex who is so cooperative and sympathetic to the random rescheduling whims of the other ex in the family. Without his cooperation and willingness to sacrifice a couple of his weekends with the kids, John and I wouldn’t have had all of our kids together at all during the entire holiday season.

I am thankful that this year we finally got an “official” diagnosis for Harry, which is allowing us to get him more of the help he needs to learn and thrive.

I am thankful for Harry’s occupational therapist, Mrs. Levy, who has helped him make such amazing progress over the past year and a half.

I am thankful that I’m able to have a job that allows me to be at home with my children.

I am thankful that our daycare has given me the chance to watch my own children grow and learn by helping to nurture children who are younger than them. It makes me smile to see my Theo taking pride in teaching a two-year old to build a train track, my Annabelle reading stories to the little ones, and my Harry giggling like crazy when he makes a baby smile by playing peek-a-boo.

I am thankful for the few grown-up hiking trips that John and I were able to squeeze in this year, including starting on the 4000 footers in NH! Happiness is standing on top of a mountain with my Love.

I am thankful that all our kids love hiking, too… and that we’ve been able to share our love of nature with them.

I am thankful for the sound of children laughing.

I am thankful for Dan, Vanessa, Angie, Doug, Joe and Ryan… I know that I’m lucky for such great siblings, who are wonderful aunts and uncles to my kids.

I am thankful for Papa and Nana Kat, and love that even though they live all the way in Florida, they make the effort to be a part of our lives every day.
I am thankful for my extended family… we have been brought together not only through birth, but marriage, divorce, remarriage, etc. My family is not a traditional one… but they are mine, and I’m grateful for them.

I am thankful for friends, old and new.

I am thankful for Date Nights. <3

I am thankful that when I finish typing this, I will be starting some bread dough, and finishing up cooking a big, vegetarian feast, to have Thanksgiving with my whole Bunch together for the first time.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

A Diagnosis... Finally!

After many years and many specialists (doctors, speech therapists, developmental experts, etc etc) my youngest child has finally received a diagnosis for his various developmental delays! Harry has Aspergers Syndrome, a diagnosis that did not come as a great shock, as we've long suspected that he has some type of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I've heard a lot of parents talk about the what they felt like when told that their child has an ASD. Many talk in terms of feeling denial at the diagnosis, or fear, or sadness. When the doctor told me that Harry has Aspergers Syndrome, what I felt what a sense of relief... relief that we finally had a NAME for what's been causing all these challenges for Harry, and thus we could now address these issues by name, and help him to overcome them. I'm grateful for all the people who have been involved in helping us get to this point. I'm excited that Harry now has access to the therapy and treatment he needs. It's been such a long road already, and we've still got a very long way to go... but at least now we have a map to follow.

Here is a link to a site that gives a brief overview of Aspergers.

Harts Hill

The other night, my partner and I took the kids on a little post-dinner walk. We headed up to Harts Hill, a walk that I’ve never done, in spite of having lived in this town both as a teen and now for the last several years. I have, however, seen old photos of Harts Hill, and photos taken from the top of the hill (at one point there was an observation tower up there, and thus it was once a very popular place to take scenic photos) Some old photos of Harts Hill can be seen by clicking here and here. A recent photo can be seen by clicking here.

This is the type of view I was expecting… however… THIS is what we saw:


I’m so disappointed that this beautiful part of our town has been treated so disrespectfully (and clearly has been treated this way for quite a while, judging from the amount of trash and broken glass up there!) We have decided that our family is going to change this. We’re going to attempt to organize a clean-up, and to draw attention to this problem, in hopes of preserving this part of our town’s history and natural beauty.

To be continued….

Mom vs. The Insurance Company

I’ve spent the better part of the last two weeks on the phone. Mostly, I have been on the phone with various neuropsychology and developmental specialists offices and my insurance company, having pretty much the same conversation, over and over. For those of you who have been following our adventures with Harry, we just saw a neurologist Monday before last, after a seven-month wait. Yes, SEVEN MONTHS. The appointment went well, but, her conclusion at the end was that SOMETHING is going on with Harry, although she’s not sure what, so she has referred us to another developmental specialist for a full neuro-psych evaluation. Since the wait to get in to the Neuropsychology department at Children’s is anywhere from seven to nine months, she gave us the names of three other providers who could probably get us in a lot sooner. Thus began my quest to set up testing for my boy. After several days and several phone calls, I found out that any of the three providers she recommended could get him in for testing in a month or two, tops. I also found out that NONE of them are covered by my insurance, and the testing process costs $2500-$3000. I definitely do not have $3000. I begged and pleaded with my insurance company to help me find a way to get this at least partially covered. The secretaries at all these practitioners' offices were very kind and sypathetic about my plight, and some even offered suggestions for "loopholes" and such, but nothing worked. The insurance company gave me the names of some providers who are in network, and thus I was back to square one, with a seven to nine month wait, and, it turns out, still no guarantee that they would actually pay for testing anyway! The Almighty Insurance Company did consent to give me “permission” for an initial consultation with a neuropsychologist, who then must submit more paper to the insurance company stating that there is a “need” for the testing. The insurance company will then decide whether or not they’ll pay for it. Meanwhile, my son has ANOTHER nine months where he cannot get the services or therapies he needs, because he STILL does not have an “official” diagnosis (other than SPD)

From all of this, I pretty much concluded that people with money can get their kids prompt and appropriate treatment, whereas us poor folks cannot. As my pediatrician so eloquently stated, “Welcome to healthcare in America.”

In the end, my wonderful pediatrician is going to try to get us in ASAP with ANOTHER neurologist who specializes in Autism spectrum and related disorders, to see if we can maybe get a few more answers while we wait for full testing (neurologists are covered by the insurance company, neuropsychs, generally, are not) and also recommended that we talk to our school department’s special ed department (through which Harry receives his OT for his motor delays and SPD) in September to see if they can do a full evaluation. The problem we may run into there is that they are only required by law to test him every three years, and he was just tested a year and a half ago (although that was not a full evaluation, it just focused primarily on his motor delays) and the schools aren’t particularly eager to volunteer to do more than they deem strictly necessary. I have been warned to prepare to battle, if necessary, however, Harry’s occupational therapist is terrific, and I have faith that she will help us navigate the school testing process (this is what I’m hoping, anyway!) I also know of a special education advocate, however I don’t think I can afford her (back to money, once again.)

Overall, this process has been beyond frustrating. But I’m trying to focus on the positive… we are making small progress everyday with Harry. We are working, slowly but surely, to get him what he needs. He’s extremely bright, in spite of his other developmental delays, and wins over almost everyone who meets him with his big smile. He’s my baby boy, and I will do whatever is necessary to make sure he grows up to be all that he can be. I am also grateful to have the support of all the family and friends who have offered a sympathetic ear as we’ve been going through this process. Thank you!

Read. This. Book.

At the recommendation of both my daughter and my partner's daughter, I just finished reading The Magician's Elephant, by Kate DiCamillo. As I've noted in previous posts, I ADORE Kate DiCamillo. She is, by far, one of the very best contemporary authors. Her writing style is beautiful and evocative, and The Magician's Elephant is her most magical story yet. Like most of her other stories, this book is so lyrical... every word so carefully chosen... I found myself re-reading several passages, even reading some out loud. I think that middle-age readers are the target audience for this book, it's a wonderful book to read aloud to younger kids, as well. For Homeschoolers (or anyone else) who might want to use this book for Book groups and such, check out http://www.themagicianselephant.com for discussion points and activity packets. Happy Reading!

Adventures with Five Kids

This past week, my partner's kids were visiting for their spring vacation, so I had a couple of extra kids around the house! It was great fun! I love it when we have the whole crew together. Happy chaos! Unlike when they were here on their February vacation, the weather was lovely during their visit! We were able to do lots of fun things... We visited the National Heritage Museum in Lexington, we hiked at Breakheart Reservation and we played at Ipswich River Park, as well as enjoying lots of time here at home, playing games, doing crafts and playing in the yard. We had such fun, we were sad to see them go back to Vermont. As always, my kids are very much looking forward to their next visit, so we can have more adventures!



Outside the National Heritage Museum in Lexington, Checking out a big fallen tree at Breakheart, and riding scooters in the skate park at Ipswich River Park.


All this time we've been spending together has been the warm up for the Big Event... John and I will be officially combining households by the end of this month! We're all so excited! I feel incredibly blessed to have this kind of Love in my life. I guess it just takes some of us a little longer to find it. We're so lucky to have each other, and to have this wonderful family together. Five kids, four cats, two turtles and two gerbils all living together in one house! That will be an adventure, for sure!